Dear Cinnabar Pullover,
I don't know how to say this, but I think we should see other people. You have been nothing put finicky the entire time we have been together. You have been both too clingy and too boring. All that stockinette... Couldn't we at least go out for a little cabling once in awhile? And you disappeared for an entire month; you're not reliable at all. I need a sweater that will always be there for me, not promise me the moon and then leave me crying about Sir Frogs A Lot. Doubtless you've heard that's what my friends and I call you, I'm just sorry you heard it from someone else first. You're not even green and you know that's my favorite color!
It's been a long, arduous road together and I think it's time we part ways. I finally decided to cast you off, and you surprised me by being... stunning. You are snuggly and flattering; all the things that I knew you could be, but never were. I'll be sending you her way tomorrow, and I hope you two are very happy together.